This is a little different. I feel kind of weird typing all of this out and posting it. In public. For others to see. Let me start by saying that i am, at the very root of my nature, a sharer. If something amazing happens, I want to tell people. If something awful happens, I want to tell people. Really if anything happens, I want to tell someone. I think life is too big and scary and wonderful to go through alone. This very experience of living is just so crazy. Our world becomes that much richer when we let others truly see us and our lives.
Today i actually lost my, for lack of a better word, shit. I lost my shit today. This past week has been incredibly tricky for me, for several reasons. Several personal things have been weighing heavily on me. I have been sleeping terribly due to my tendency to be exhausted all day only thinking about sleep only to get in bed at the end of the day and have one million pressing life issues to ponder. This exhaustion has led to a lack of patience and heightened emotions. (GREEEAAAAAAAT, am I right?) On top of that, kindergarten happened today.
I’m going to preface all of this by saying how much I dearly adore everything about my student teaching. The kids are so perfect and sweet. My school totally ROCKS. And also, I’m somewhat obsessed with my coordinating teacher. This placement could not be more perfect. I wake up every morning EXCITED TO GO TO SCHOOL. School is the bomb.com.
This is the attitude with which I try to enter every day. The kids stream into the room in the morning, and I eagerly greet them each by name. I’m happy to see their cheery little selves. However, today something was just a little off. Everyone had a little evil in them. It was just ONE OF THOSE DAYS. One of those days where no one wanted to listen. One of those days where nothing went quite as planned. One of those days where even the most perfect angelic students weren’t following expectations.
Finally, I made it to lunch. I just about passed out in the teachers lounge. “DEAR LORD BABY JESUS,” I prayed, Talladega Nights style (I really hope someone understands this reference). “JESUS, PLEASE JUST GIVE ME THE STRENGTH TO SURVIVE UNTIL DISMISSAL.” “It can only get better from here,” I told myself. By the time lunch was over, I had psyched myself up, and I was READY FOR ACTION.
Then, recess ended, and our afternoon begun. To say things had taken a turn for the worse would be an understatement. I was in charge of our math lesson this afternoon. We were practicing sorting using manipulatives. Students were divided into groups of three or four, and then given a basket of manipulatives to practice sorting. Perhaps I should have outlined expectations a little better. BLOCKS WERE FLYING. LITTLE STICKS WERE BEING DUMPED ACROSS THE ROOM. LITTLE FRIENDS WERE BUILDING CASTLES OUT OF THEIR MATERIALS. THERE WERE SQUEALS COMING FROM EVERYWHERE.
“BOYS AND GIRLS,” I thundered in my most intimidating teacher voice. “I AM VERY SAD ABOUT A LOT OF THINGS THAT ARE HAPPENING RIGHT NOW.” This is really truly how we talk in kindergarten. Throughout this announcement, kindergarteners still would not stop talking. “I need everyone to turn their voices off, and look at me,” I instructed. STILL, THERE WAS TALKING. “I will wait until I have everyone’s attention before I give directions,” I continued, trying to sound very scary. STILL KIDS CONTINUED TO CHATTER.
It was then I arrived at a real precipice. “I can either start crying or scream right now,” I thought to myself, as I lost control of my body. I’m going to be real honest, I wasn’t quite sure how I would react. The moment seemed to stretch into eternity as I waited to see how I react.
I BURST OUT LAUGHING. Yep, that’s right. In my moment of desperation, I began to LAUGH AT THE CHILDREN. I really and truly had LOST MY MIND. The kids looked back at me with worried and concerned looks on their face as they realized that Miss Johnson Just Lost Her Shit (this will be the title of my memoir). Their teacher was standing there LAUGHING AT THEM with a manic expression in her eye. However, I would like to note that it was at this point that they finally became quiet. From this point forward, the rest of the day was okay. I survived, if only just barely.
So yes, that about sums up my day. I witch cackled in insanity at a group of 24 five year olds. I can only hope that you went through your day with more dignity than me. Have you hugged a teacher yet today? If not, I am in desperate need of one. The good news is that tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start. It’s a chance to have another new beginning and an opportunity for a wonderful day. If not, at least we are getting closer to the weekend.